Redemption


Dropped from the highest tower
Tumbling clumsily, he descends
Thoughts of a bleak future darken his vision
Dejected and alone, he accepts his fate

A golden sliver of brilliance
Shook from his fog, his heart stirs
An illuminated landscape looms in the distance
The beacon of a new day greets his tired eyes

Strength finds him once more
His heart rising with the sun
Impacting the soft soil, earth settles
He stands a man anew, herald of his own fate

it's just disorienting to know others fear for me and some still don't know what difficulties a person who's regarded as a military weapon must face just trying to pay their own bills. i have a very damn near impossible time receiving physical mail now that i'm not in isolation but that was always the goal for me. i just wanted to roam without scorn in my face.

and having donated so much work to NASA to privatize spaceflight, to protect journalists, and to make an attempt to set up a proof of concept calendar with interdimensional stop points, having success means that i'm safely vulnerable.

evil is still alive, believes it loves me, adores its own amnesia.

Tags: real life

sitting under that shadow i didn't think i'd have to change my name, but that day came
and while the devil sang, the demons danced. choirs that echoed your voice saying,
"it is true. it is right. it is just."
all these years and dreams have passed, i fought belief. i denied my heart.
the memories are alive again and it worries me. if i've betrayed you, i'll find out soon..

we have days like this and i punish myself, but it doesn't feel like i'm doing it quite enough.
my frustration and hate for my self, for this is so much harder than can be fair to express to the outside world.
can't sentences. broken broken broken.
heart, emotions.
i've fucked myself all up, i've fucked it all up, it's because it's my fault.
i'm the one, with the guilt.
i'm the one who deserves it.

i'm alone, it's my fault. i'll wrap myself in a blanket of blame you'll never unravel, i'll never let you heal me of my shame.

i deserve it.
you punish me, but i'll punish myself harder.

until the present i had never truly appreciated the strength you exhibited in that form, the resilience you had to resist imbibing in my insanity.

i had no idea how much of a godsend it was that you understood.

in vessel, vulnerable, activated by accident.
i wailed, and choked in my own miserable tears..

i guess, i understand why i went back, maybe it wasn't just for my own reasons.

maybe i needed to make sure you'd remind me you forgive my broken heart.