having laced such syllables through my ears
i stopped wondering if it was worth all these years
and as i ride these waves, surpassing my fears
the revelation of the sun has dried my tears.
the revolution of the world has drowned my sorrows.
the sensation of the love makes me work harder for tomorrows'
earnings; but this time yearnings don't motivate me to borrow
from time, all the debts incurred left me so harrowed.
for you i'll never force a verse,
for this faith i'll never let things waste;
your name spells my whole universe..
one day i'll wear it too, but we shall not make haste.
towards perfection we make the deliberate pace,
caring for every footstep, endearing to every gaze.
perhaps a thousand days, til i wear the wedding lace;
in vows i'd owe to God my praise.
yet we've only just begun this first movement,
a symphony at its incarnation moment--
so take a deep breath; may we, as God, be clement
and treasure living now, more than the day of wedding vestment.
my heart could not be more covered in abrasions.
why do i have to suffer these awful dreams?
to see war, to see desperation, to see misery.
it terrifies me, crying myself awake all over again.
and this time, with no compassionate smile to gaze upon me..
and i tried to stop that jealous murder,
but i awoke with the image of him injecting the poison straight into his nephew's temple.
but, thank God, in my waking life, for that image on my screen. your wholesome beauty evaporating all the distress from me. make no mistake of my idolatry--
i praise God for your ability to heal me and give me strength, it's to Him i owe this gratitude.
i fell under the wheel, and i got dragged through the mud, my longskirt caught up in the spokes.
i should have known that i was on the brink of another rejection. i suppose i didn't listen.
for my indifference, myself is punished.
and the end of a wrestling match with God.
I know I'm on the home stretch, as if I am already receiving my trophies.
Why'd you have to make this... *sigh*
I won't say disparaging things, I won't despair.
I see the fog is clearing, and I see beauty and the perpetuation of life only in its' wake.
We can't help it though, to fear it's another illusion. We pray harder every day that passes nearing this end we've been promised.
Please don't tell me I'm naive to think my penance is nearing its' end, I thought it should've been over seven thousand years ago, but I agreed to suffer another age if that'd make an even more perfect beginning for us, unraveling the dream-spell.
I just don't know if I can trust my memories, my imagination, my dreams being so real, my hopes being so pure. The doubt of my own integrity to complete this mission overshadows me and changes the way light falls entirely.
sitting here with my toes in the surf, alone with my memories, wondering if you'll come back here, to be with me to make more.
has it been five thousand years yet? maybe i've lost count. is it nearing the end of six? is the age ending?
i don't know what's happened while i was sleeping. the birds are quiet this morning; as if, to allow me this reflection.
in fear and faith, i'm teetering, in prayer, clutching this letter.
everything will be okay
we pray for clarity and strength of will
the tears will slowly wash away
when i hold you close to me,
in the silence of my heart, no echoes can be heard
we will not falter, you will see
an iridescence, serenity
no flood or fear can overwhelm us;
from within, integrity--
a gift only God gives to guide us.
if i could pull at the fabric of time,
i'd pull you into these folds.
and as i whisper that you're mine..
we dream together what our future holds.
if i stitch you into this place where i hide,
you alone would be able to mend
how i was torn of space and time
and around us, rays of light would bend.
and you know, when it pours forth. never knowing how it'd feel to be both healed and whole!
hearing your notes for the first time and feeling your words.. alive.
my skin as gooseflesh i am so cold but i feel you within once more. the overwhelming gratitude for making it this far intact, to be reminded, i had truly forgotten this relief all these years.
i feel now as i am in the fourth verse for the very first time, and it is finally the turning point
the tidal surge of knowing longing, the distress of knowing i've become unfrozen from my prior statue state.
i had never felt the meaning, so genuine as breathing, and to know this is what i've prepared myself, this message to receive. i try to throttle it but my face is awash with the river of tears, as a sea of joy wells up in my heart to believe the spilling of blood is over.
the relief from my duty is as resting my eyes from a battlefield lit by cacophonies of light and such deafening wails of merciless destruction. i'm a human again, and it riddles as i'm rediscovering that my own antisense had poisoned me.
i was overwhelmed, as always, in a moment, time slowing to a nexus in my navel as i felt that tug.
was i back in the timeline? the sensation of being real again fleeting, i grasped at it as i once again knew the meaning...
i'm human? how absurd, i've never been..
i am human. and we're here. i've been gone so long, as in cryogenic sleep but, dreaming.
would it be real? in seven years time? could i go back and save this opportunity?
i know it will not hurt me.. no more than the loneliness would be inevitable if i didn't try.
are we really alive? are we more than digits typed?
we'll find a way my lord, before this lease expires.